hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
