My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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