So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
