Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
did i walk over a car last night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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