With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
