Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
