So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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