Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
