Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
