I wish life had little blips of pornography
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
