I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
