just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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