okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
