It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
