so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
