i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
