this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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