Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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