This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
