Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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