You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
