No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
