Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize