I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
