tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
