this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
