Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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