Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I know her cup size but not her name....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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