he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
