I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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