He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
