dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Pants are for mortals
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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