The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
