My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
