I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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