When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
