talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize