so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
