just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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