ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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