She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
