Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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