you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
