Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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