lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
