you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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