he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
