I think my fart just growled at me.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
