i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
