apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
