took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Farmville is her only friend.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
