drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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