Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize