Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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