He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
