so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
