Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
