I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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