Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
