More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
