Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
