just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
