If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
