Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
