he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
