I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
